A Thank You Letter to the Boy Who Broke My Heart
We were connected in every way possible. You were my first true love. Or that's what I thought. You're all I knew. I never thought it was an option to live my life without you. We were truly inseparable. Then you broke my heart. And the saddest thing about love is, it's totally acceptable to love with all your heart, unless it's no longer reciprocated.
Everyone says time heals all wounds. But for me, I'll never forget how I felt. And those scars you've left on my fragile heart will be a reminder of the pain. Those first few months of living without you were some of the loneliest days of my life. I don't know if time heals all wounds, but I do know that time has made me grateful that you broke my heart.
I know when we ended things so many years ago you would never have expected me to write something like this. I was distraught; I know you remember how depressed I was during those cold winter months. I was suffocating in my own depression. It was so scary. I'm a little embarrassed of how I pined for you, but what I've learned over the years is that I am so much better off without you.
Thank you for hating me. It didn't take you long to realize that you just didn't want me anymore. No matter how many promises we made, you made it seem like we had never been together. The day you walked away, you showed me that some people just aren't loving. Some people are just created with hate. I was able to gain strength and become independent. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to withstand the heartache that would come in the future. You were the first to teach me hatred. I would not have known this if we had stayed together. It would not have prepared me for the broken friendships that came after you.
Thank you for shattering my heart. Yes, now I'm glad you destroyed me. I learned quickly that anxiety is worse when you have no one there to help you. I learned what it feels like to be gasping for air and terrified you're dying, hoping that it might be true. Only to find out it's a panic attack. It takes strength to pick yourself up from that. I didn't realize it then, but now I have my own story to help others in their battle through the tough days of depression and anxiety. If you had not broken my heart, I would not have the knowledge about my disorder and I would not have been able to help so many along the way.
Thank you for moving on to someone much different than me. At first I wanted to vomit every time I saw you two together. She disgusted every ounce of my soul. I didn't understand how you could be with me and then love someone like her. After a few years, however, I started to realize that we were never right for each other. So I'm really glad you did not move on to someone who resembled me in the slightest, because you don't deserve anyone like me. So thank you for choosing my exact opposite.
Thank you for treating me with disrespect. I never thought you could be as cruel as you were, but you shocked everyone that knew you. I actually didn't realize how terrible you did treat me until I met the love of my life. He has never disrespected me and he loves me more than you even know how to love. He loves me more than you've ever been loved. I'm sure that's true. If it wasn't for you, I would not know that the man I found is the perfect one for me. If it wasn't for you, I would never know unconditional love. You have to know hell exists in order to believe in heaven, right?
Thank you for leaving me because now I realize the life I would have lived with you is my worst nightmare. I just didn't know it at the time. I would have never finished college. I would have never become independent. I would have never traveled. I would have never opened my own business. I would have never learned to love myself. I would have never lived to my full potential.
So thank you for never believing in me. Thank you for never loving me. And thank you, thank you for breaking my heart. I promise I am so much better because of it all.